Autumn has arrived and leaves are falling. In essence I love this time of year, especially when we’ve had some decent summer weather. I feel respite in the cooler temperatures and darker evenings. Being at home, reading, watching TV and cooking tasty hot food is so nice when it’s wet and chilly outside. There’s plenty to do in the garden and something very satisfying about clearing and tidying it in preparation for winter.
I also find autumn quite difficult because it marks the winding down of another year of my son’s addiction. It scares me that, having continued to abuse his mind and body with drugs, he has taken himself nearer to a point when both could start to give up. In 2019 he has suffered badly with dental problems and acute athlete’s foot, both of which are not getting any better. I have been paying for essential dental work but it’s been stop and start due to his lifestyle, and a revolving prison door. Sometimes he can barely walk with his foot problems, made worse by endlessly trudging round looking for somewhere warm and dry, but I don’t think he’s seen a doctor. I don’t even know if he’s registered any more. These problems, however, are minor compared to what he’s storing up as he gets nearer to his forties.
So autumn is bitter sweet for me. I feel excitement as the new season changes the landscape and my own daily routine follows suit. I also feel incredible sadness that my son has wasted another precious year of his life and I’ve lived through another 12 months without him. Of course the cold winter months will also soon be here and, for me, that’s a whole other story. Do you have any particular feelings about the seasons when you sit thinking about your addict?