Week five of Lock Down and the situation gives a whole new meaning to the idea of ‘alternative lifestyle’. Often a euphemism used to describe how drug-takers live their lives, we’re all having to learn to do absolutely everything differently: queue for food, walk in the middle of the road to avoid other pedestrians, hold our breath when a heavy-breathing jogger passes and, hardest of all, distance ourselves from friends and family. The new norm does have some benefits, however, as we are spending more time gardening, reading, cooking and appreciating things we had not even realised about our own neighbourhoods.
What about our addicts though? How are they coping? Are they coping? My son Ryan is not doing at all well at the moment. Living on a boat with no electricity or running water, he simply can’t spend all of his waking day there. Not only is it obviously impractical, but also because he just can’t stand being alone. He told me how rotten things are for him a couple of days ago. Having unblocked him on Messenger since COVID-19 hit, he got in touch and asked me to phone him on someone else’s number. It seems his own phone is broken and he can’t get it repaired as the bloke in the market, who is his go-to fixer, is isolating like the rest of us. Ryan has also spent all his benefit money and, as he won’t get any more for two weeks, his words to me were that he’d be dead now if it weren’t for certain friends.
Hearing his news at 10 o’clock in the evening led to an inevitably sleepless night followed in the morning by rising anxiety levels. That’s when I decided to dig out an old phone (which is still working), pack up a bag of food, and contact him to say I’d be happy to bring them over. A few hours later he read the message and I’ve heard nothing more. Things like this puzzle me but it’s not unusual behaviour for my son as he has never really reacted predictably. I have also decided that I’ll try and get some provisions to him every week (apart from the one when he gets his Universal Credit) until the Lock Down is over. This goes against a promise I made to myself that I would never get involved in this sort of thing again. But currently we’re leading an alternative lifestyle that none of us could have imagined and doing things we wouldn’t normally do. I feel calmer in the knowledge that I’ve made the right decision for myself and for my son in these extraordinary times.
How is your addict managing at this point? How are you coping? I hope you’re able to do whatever feels right, knowing that when this thing is over, we can go back to normal, even if our normal is not the most ideal of situations. Stay safe and stay sane.
Thank you Leigh for your ‘alternative lifestyle’ blog. Here we are at the beginning of the 6th week in lock-down, with no immediate reprieve in the shocking number of virus fatalities or an expectation of when we can safely resume a comparitively normal life.
I particularly miss meeting old friends for lunch, some of whom I have known since my teenage years. We have supported one another over the years through the trials & tribulations of life – health issues, bereavements and many other family crises but only a handful know of my son’s addiction. Is that because I feel ashamed or maybe, more realistically, is it that I don’t want his behaviour judged by anyone outside the immediate family? Probably.
I also miss seeing my daughter’s family. I keep in touch, of course, by phone, text & WhatsApp but it’s not the same as a visit when I can share news, laugh with the grandchildren & enjoy a family meal together.
I am sorry that Ryan is not doing well at the moment. The situation is difficult for all of us but particularly hard for addicts trying to function without a structure to their day & who flounder hopelessly when their lifelines are removed. I also would have had no hesitation in acting the way you did by buying your son food & providing him with another phone. Peace of mind is something we are all striving for in these uncertain times.
My son continues to work from home which is helping him to cope whilst in isolation. His extended family are being supportive by ringing & texting him on a regular basis so that, hopefully, he doesn’t feel so alone. I have only seen him once in the last six weeks. He visited briefly a fortnight ago & was able to have a conversation with me from a safe distance outside the house. He seemed ‘upbeat’ which was reassuring but I know from past experience how quickly his health can deteriorate if he drinks to a point where medical intervention is needed. This has happened many times over the years resulting in the life & death emergencies which continue to haunt me. His choice, I know, but one that I find hard to accept.
Let’s hope it won’t be much longer before our addicts can once again access the help and support they so rely on.
To echo your sentiments, Leigh. Stay safe & sane
Wiltshire Mum
Hello and thank you so much for your heartfelt reply. Like you I’m missing my friends and family, especially my two year old granddaughter who I love so much. I miss her cuddles like nothing else.
I’m glad to hear that your son is working from home and generally seems to be doing OK at the moment. Recovering addicts have had so many lifelines taken away and naturally you worry that he might reach a point where he starts drinking again. Let’s really hope not and as my 87 year old mum ALWAYS tells me: “Don’t worry about the day you never saw”. That one has stood me in good stead many times!
Look after yourself and stay strong whilst hoping that your son can do the same. Maybe we’ll be able to have more contact soon with our immediate families which, I’m sure, will make you feel an awful lot better. Take care.